A Hugger's Story

Personal space. What does that mean, really?? A recent outing with friends brought to light the hysterically uncomfortable reality of huggers and non huggers.

As a hugger you feel completely comfortable breaking that invisible, unspoken, but oh so there, three feet barrier of personal space we as humans have. You don't even think about it really. Old friends, new friends, people you know, people you are being introduced to---we only see one thing:

That person needs a hug.

I know for me personally, if I don't hug you I feel as if I have offended you. That I have not taken the proper steps to show you how much I like you, or believe I will like you if we've just met. How can I send you back off into the world without a good squeeze?? It doesn't seem right.

People try other options as physical goodbyes but a good hugger knows how to turn any innocent hello or goodbye into something better.
A handshake? A nice grip to pull someone into a hug.
The high five? Slap, grab the hand and pull em on in.
The side hug? It's a nice shallow end approach to a hug. Just one more arm deftly around and you got them.

The fist bump is the toughest and I've yet to master the transition, but I will. Oh but I will! (MUA-HAHA!)

I do not begrudge my lot in life. I hug. It's who I am. But with every lot, there is a curse. A hugger's is the no going back rule. You start to give someone a hug, and you don't know whether or not they are a hugger until it's too late. You start to go in, only to catch that deer in the headlights look on the recipients face and it's painfully obvious that this person is really not going to enjoy this. You are about to hug a non hugger and are now knowingly going to make their life a whole lot more uncomfortable. A personal favorite is the startled "oh!" as if you were physically assaulting them. A perfectly enjoyable outing and you are going to taint it with your need to hang on people. Dang.

But there's nothing you can do at this point. Gravity for one is working against you. The very act of leaning in means the Laws of Physics are kicking in and what is it--- Once in motion the thing tends to stay in motion unless otherwise blah blah something something...
Even if you could somehow fight the downward inertia and reverse, socially that's just death. How do you stop mid hug? What's worse at that point: hugging someone who doesn't want to be hugged or looking like you considered it for a second but then thought better of it?  I mean seriously, at that point, why not just punch them in the face?!

All you can do is go in, squeeze them for a second, hope you resurface without too much awkwardness and avoid further eye contact. ("Kay, so bye! See you next time!" All said to the ground or in the space above their heads.) At least I'm not a casual on-the-lips kisser. That's a whole other breed. I feel you there.

I certainly don't blame the non hugger. If you think of it, hugging is basically saying: Hey, I'm gonna put my body all over yours for a few seconds, that cool??

I mean, I really get it.

Of course nothing is better than going in for a hug, not knowing what to expect and finding a good bear hug on the receiving end. It's moments like those that make the others worth it. They make me believe that even though some aren't used to it, or don't want it, or shudder at the thought of it...that maybe, just maybe I'll hug them enough that they'll at least grow accustomed to it. And isn't that at the root of any good love or friendship? Resignation to the inevitable? What can I say, I'm a romantic at heart.

I usually have a moral to the story about this point. I guess I could launch into all the known benefits that come from hugging. How they are good for your blood pressure and over all health. How researchers have found that hugs increase the "bonding" hormone oxytocin and decrease the risk of heart disease. But when I give hugs I can't say I'm focusing in on your heart health. I'm just trying to say hey, you're wonderful. So wonderful that the only way I can express it is by throwing my limbs around you awkwardly and squeezing.

Personal space. It's overrated.