"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."--Bill Cosby

Ever watch the movie The Princess Bride? Well if not, I have nothing but pity for you. It is one of the best movies of all time with one of the best lines ever delivered. The villain Vizzini keeps saying the word, "inconceivable" no matter the situation. Finally the reluctant side kick Inigo Montoya turns to him and helpfully suggests, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means." Now, I know he'd probably like to be most remembered for hunting down the six fingered man who killed his father, but at least when it comes to parenting and communicating with our children, I think Inigo was on to something.

Let's start with a simple one. "Here."

"Come over here please."

(Child pokes his head around the corner.)

"Please come here."

(Child then walks 5 steps.)

"Come, here." 3 more steps.

"Here, here, come heee-rrreee!" Eyes wild, hands signaling to the space in front of you in wild circling motions.

Child: "Geez, fine I didn't know."

Another personal favorite is the elusive "hurry." I have run several semi scientific experiments with this and I'm half convinced when a parent says the word "hurry" the sound gets trapped and confused in the eardrum, until the brain then actually hears the words: slow down.

At the very least it understands the phrase to mean: continue at my current pace. No amount of saying the word over and over, arm waving or lengthy explanation of why we're trying to hurry seems to produce the desired effect.

I honestly think I could run out to the car yelling "Let's hurry, hurry, hurry, we're late and we have to be to this thing on time or the Earth will EXPLODE!"

(Child: Glazed over expression while dragging his feet stopping to work industriously on zipping his jacket that he's been told repeatedly for months is actually broken), "Hey, when can I get a new Webkin?"

I feel like Chris Tucker in those Rush Hour movies with Jackie Chan. Eyes popping out of my head, the vein in my neck bulging: "Do you understand the words that are comin' out of my mouth?!?" (Okay, it's possible I watch too many movies.) But still.

The gold medal winner, in my book, of words not meaning what they think they mean has to be the phrase, "I know."

"Oh Jackson, babe, we don't eat food in the living room, up to the table."

Jackson: Ok, ok, I know.

Hmmmm.

"Justin, you're on the computer but I told you to do your chores first."

"Yeah, I know."

???

"Hannah, those dishes are still wet, you've got to dry them before you put them away."

"Mom, I KNOW! Geez."

Really?? Cuz in the words of Jerry Seinfeld, "I don't think you do." You're walking toward the cabinet trailing water all around you with what looks like every intention of putting that away sopping wet, so I'm thinking that's the exact opposite of knowing. And that's really the most important part in understanding, is the knowing. Anybody can just say they know."

But really, I'm just the parent so, what do I know. :P