Mel & Ray's Movie Review

Oh yes. We're back, and we're improved! We wanted to get a little creative and really make it our own, but keep in mind that we brainstormed these tweaks around 1am. Sometimes the creative genius flows that late, other times your brain is so tired you just think it's good because you're so delirious you'll believe anything.
First we thought a picture of us in the movie theater would be a fun touch. The reason you are not seeing said picture is somewhat of a long story. Let's just say it involved a skeptical theater manager, one of us continually blinking, and a giggling fit. We'll keep trying. Second, we decided against using "stars" and developed a personalized rating system. One of Raleen's favorite characters of all time is Mr. Darcy played by Colin Firth. She keeps trying to get me to watch the 6 hour version of Pride and Prejudice and is offended when the very mention of it makes my eyes start to glaze over.
I had a harder time picking a "favorite." I have so many and didn't want to seem disloyal by picking one over the other. At one point I started to wain nostalgic and wanted to pick one of my teen heartthrobs like Christan Slater or Leonardo DiCaprio. (Tiger Beat flashbacks anyone??) I finally ended on Hugh Jackman. It may seem like an odd random choice but leave me alone, I have my reasons! He is one of my favorite actors in some of my favorite movies, and as Raleen adds: "Yeah didn't he play that wolf guy in one of those comic book movies you're always dragging me to?" Nice.
So, there's the background: our new "star" system will be a 1 to 4 scale of Darcy's for Raleen and Hugh's for me. On with the reviews...

We have been so anticipating ripping this movie to shreds, which is hard to do when a movie leaves you so speechless. I can't remember in recent history seeing a movie this poorly written, acted and executed. The only reason I'm even giving it one Hugh is for the only saving grace to this joke of a movie, and that was the performance of Colin Hanks. As in, heir to Tom. Good acting runs in his genes, but beyond that, it translated on screen that even he knew he was in a stupid humorless movie and it made me like him even more. I had this irrational urge to try and snatch him out of the screen and save him from those awful people. We knew we weren't going for anything deep or educational, but thought it would be Legally Blonde or Clueless type funny. Not even in the same ballpark. It would go from not funny, to painfully awkward, to ridiculous, and make another pit stop at not funny again. We couldn't call ourselves your friend if we didn't do all in our power to save you from this one

Me: Barely 1 Hugh, Raleen: 1 Darcy


The Rocker, starring Rain Wilson is a tricky one to review. Tricky in the sense that we really enjoyed it even though it was definitely mediocre and more rentable than big screen worthy. The premise is that Rain's character, Fish, is the drummer for a band he created named Vesuveus. The band is approached about getting signed but the condition is that they have to cut the drummer and replace him with the studiohead's son. 20 years pass and Vesuveus's fame is astronomical, while Fish has struggled with dead end jobs and a 20 year old grudge. He finds redemption and a second chance to live his life's dream when his nephew's band is in sudden need of a drummer. The band's rise to fame is funny and all in all enjoyable. Sometimes it's over the top, and certainly predictable but for the most part we didn't mind. If you are an Office fan like myself, you will probably enjoy Rain's performance. Definitely could have lived a long and happy life without ever having to see Wilson's backside, but admittedly we probably laughed the hardest at that scene. I also enjoyed the late 80's, early 90's heavy metal influence. The music, the wardrobe, it was all such a riot. In a flash I remembered that I had actually dated a bass guitarist. (I know, me, a groupie? Who knew. Rock on Proteus, wherever you are!) Anyways, it's lighthearted fun and gives you the overwhelming urge to hunt down your favorite Guns N Roses and Metalica songs on Itunes. Well, the ones that aren't already there...I mean, what?..

2 Hugh's/2 Darcy's


How should we review The Women...hmm...ever play that game Pick up Sticks? You dump a bunch of colorful sticks from a can on the ground and then proceed to carefully, painstakingly make sense of the chaos? This movie was kind of like that. It had great actors, the trailer made it seem like it had a plot. But in the end it was a bunch of random stuff literally dumped onto the screen and you spent the next 2 hours trying to make sense of it all. If you looked up random in the dictionary you very well might find a reference to this movie. It was weird, it was long, it was all over the place; a giant mess set to music. I was actually grateful when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of it.
Mel: -1 Hugh, Ray:-1 Darcy

Overall we have been disappointed with the movies as of late and I go into movies always wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt. Me not finding something redeeming about a movie is like Big Bird not being able to find something nice to say about Mr. Snuffelupagus.
Can just anyone write a script and get it made into a movie nowadays? What are the qualifications to be a screenwriter? Having 10 videos on your YouTube account? Coming out of the theater I feel like those detectives in the movies that try and hold people back from a crime scene who say: "Trust me,you do not want to go in there." It's not pretty folks. Let's keep our fingers crossed that the holiday influx of movies provides some redemption. For now, stay home.