A Conversation with my Mother

I had this thought a couple of weeks ago. Like most of my thoughts, it was random… but I thought, 'I should interview my mom for Mother’s Day.' I thought it could be funny, interesting, and appropriate for the upcoming holiday. It ended up being all the things I expected, and a few things I didn’t. Most surprising is that we don’t ever stop learning from our moms. I encourage you to interview your own mom. I have dear friends who I know would give just about anything to have one more afternoon with their mom. To sit, visit and ask a list full of questions. Our mom’s have walked our path. How can we not take a few moments to stop, sit and talk with them?

Me: Okay so let’s right into it, who’s your favorite?

Mom: Oh, my favorite knows.:)

Me: Huh. (Nervous laughter), Right….Glad we got that cleared up once and for all.

Me: How old were you when the kids started to think you were old?

Mom: Well, I don’t know, how old are you?? You were as old as your kids now when you thought I was old. It seems laughable to think that I had 4 kids by the time I was 25 and you thought I was old then!

Me: Yeah, it’s been weird that you keep getting younger and younger as I get older…
Between 7 kids and 30 years of raising children, you’ve had to have received many a Mother’s Day gift. Any memorable ones?

Mom: They’re all memorable.

Me: Oh how diplomatic of you. Come on…

Mom: Well, you guys had this “tradition” for a lot of years of making me breakfast in bed…

Me: Yeah! That’s right that was fun, you loved that!

(Awkward pause)

Mom: Well, the sentiment was sweet, but you can appreciate it now as a Mom that the toast was always burnt with peanut butter smeared all over it. The pancakes were usually underdone and or cold because there was no rhyme or order to how you made things. And then you would bring it in to me and all sit on the bed, staring, watching me eat. So naturally I had to eat everything or you would have been crushed. I loved the effort and the thought behind it. Not so disappointed when you moved on to other things!

Me: What do you think is one of the hardest things about being a mother?

Mom: (Laughing) Being a Mom! Just the act of getting up and making a bunch of the small sacrifices is harder than making some of the big ones. Cooking, helping them get ready, and finding things for them, listening to a long winded story that you’re not sure where it’s going. These are genuine sacrifices of our time. In a lot of ways we give up who we are when we become a mom to become someone new. That process is really hard at times. We’re very much in the “refiner’s fire.” It’s a constant process of checking in with the Lord and making sure we are getting the balancing act right. If we are making the sacrifices in the right places. It’s extremely challenging at times.

Me: On the flip side of that, what’s one of the greatest things about being a mother?

Mom: Well, being a Mom! All the things that are hard and consume our time are usually where we find the special things that mean the most to us. Sometimes you really don’t want to read them the book. But the snuggles that come along with it are so great, you can hardly believe you almost went without it. The one on one time when they really want to be with you and talk to you. They won’t always want to do that.. It goes in cycles and you really have to treasure it when they think you are so smart and want to be around you! I also love to see my kids succeed. Especially if something has been challenging and they conquer it. That’s such a great thing to be apart of and see.

Me: As your oldest… (Is my martyrdom showing?) I babysat the other kids quite a bit over the years. I have my own memories of some crazy antics that went on while you guys were away, but any memory of the craziest scenario you came home to?

Mom: Just one? Well, it would have to be coming home to a Daniel sized dent in my wall! The boys had been playing and I guess there was some sort of wrestling, ninja turtle type scenario going on and William went to playfully “body slam” Dan into the wall and he actually made this big dent in the wall. Now, I’ve questioned you kids at different times about that and everyone swears it was just playing, and a total accident. What really sticks out in my mind was what was done to try and cover it up. William concocted a paste made out of flour and water and “spackled” the wall indent with it! When I realized what had been done and questioned him about it, he was actually really proud of his homemade solution!

Me: (Laughing) Oh good times, good times…

Mom: (Rolling eyes)

Me: Well, not to be outdone…I know this is going to be difficult because I was such a perfect child, (mom laughing) but what was the most memorable stunt that I pulled?

Mom: Just one? Well…I would have to say it was you drawing on the walls if we start at the beginning! You had to draw on the walls everyday and no tactic that I tried was to deter you. I tried taping butcher paper to the walls. You drew around it, under it, over it. Anywhere but the paper. I tried making you clean the walls after you drew on them. Didn’t phase you. It was just a nice clean surface for you to draw on again. I took away and hid all pens, pencils and crayons. You got my mascara and drew on my walls with that. Evidently you felt passionate about what you were doing.

Me: I’m surprised me totaling the car wasn’t the most memorable.

Mom: Well, I was working my way through your childhood…

Me: Anway, moving along. What did you tell yourself to get through the really tough days?

Mom: Tomorrow is another day. I can remember one time in particular I just shut the day down at like 7pm. It had just been a bad day; no one was being nice anymore. You guys, even me, we had all just had it with each other and I was done. You had been fed for the night and I said, ‘we’re done here. You’re going to go to your rooms for the night, I’m going to go to mine and we will try this again tomorrow.’ Sometimes you just have to push the reset button early! I’m a big believer though in the recuperative power of a good night’s sleep. Big believer in that.

Me: I once was told, as a girl, if you get the chance, go sit on your mom’s bed from time to time and ask her to hear stories about her life. To really try to learn from her experiences. If you could choose a life lesson for me to learn, what would it be?

Mom: Time is shorter than you think and kids remember things differently than you think they will. It never ceases to amaze me the memories you kids will talk about and the ones you really treasure. There are things I thought you would just treasure and you don’t remember it. There are so many things that I didn’t even really think about at the time, and it turns out to be this really fond memory of yours. You won’t be able to choose your kid’s memories. You really can’t discount the importance of building those memories. I wish at times that I had more, and I know I have a lot... It just goes by so much faster than you think and you have to do all you can to nurture those relationships with your children. When they’re young like this, you are building the base that will be your teenage relationships with them. I think sometimes as young moms we think of all the ways we can escape this time. Ways we can just plow ahead and get through it. But the fact of the matter is you are not always going to feel this overwhelmed. Think of the problems you had at 16. How huge and insurmountable they seemed. Now you look back and can laugh at what you thought at the time was so important. You think of what a simpler time it was. How you should have done things differently, or not been so hard on yourself or others. So much changes as your kids get older and you need to just enjoy being there for it. Embrace this time and all the hard things that go with it because time passes quickly. You will treasure the time you were treated like a hero just for getting something off a high shelf.

Me: Any life lesson from your own mom?

Mom: Mom always helped me to understand how to stay in touch with who I was and to do things just for me. Even though we evolve as a person when we become Moms and as much as we need to enjoy being around our kids, we need to find those things that are important to us. My name isn’t just Mom. It’s also Cindy. I would quilt or read. It was important that I didn’t lose touch with things I enjoy. It helped me to be a better wife and mother to have some pockets of time in my day where I did things that I just genuinely enjoy. It still helps me.

Me: Can you think of a scenario with us kids where you had to just laugh instead of being angry?

Mom: Oh man, there’s too much! When you totaled the car! I think we were just happy you were alive and fine. When William and Eric figured out how to jimmy the dryer door and put Michael in and had him go around and around. When the boys convinced Michael that swirlies were fun, to the point that he would walk out of the bathroom with his head soaking wet because he started giving them to himself. Some things are just so out there, so insane, it’s like what else can you do??

Me: Because you are so young, and hip and so now, this may be hard to project yourself into the future, but what do want your legacy to be?

Mom: Faith and love. I hope my kids and my grandkids will know of my faith in the Lord and how much that has sustained me. And I hope they know how much I love them. I hope they have lots of experiences where they get to really feel my love for them.
Questions that make me cry are not fair.

Me: With celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, any final thoughts, insights?

Mom: Mother’s day is every day. Can you think of a day since you started having kids that wasn’t mother’s day? I hope mom’s are appreciated and supported everyday because the work goes on. Being a homemaker is not just about the things we chalk up to the “drudgery.” Cooking for our families, organizing our homes, teaching our kids how to do chores, how to work, delegating; these are good things. Things we should be proud that we do and can pass on. The art of being a homemaker I think is getting lost. It's the art of making a home and strengthening forever families. What we are accomplishing in our homes is an amazing thing that we shouldn’t take for granted, or wish away. No one loves having laundry up to their eyeballs, or dishes in the sink. But it’s all apart of the bigger blessing of having a home and a family and we shouldn’t lose sight of that.

Me: Thank you, you are wise.

Mom: This was fun.

Me: I love you.

Mom: I love you.