From the Desk of Mom/Melanie

Dear Jackson,
I am very sorry that you are not five yet. This was both not my fault nor a conspiracy to make you not be five any longer than humanly possible. Walking around the house hollering that you'll, quote, "never ever be five!" followed by, "Next time, make my birthday sooner!" is not only really loud and distracting, but doesn't actually make sense. I am relieved to see that I have in fact convinced you that Mommies know and can do everything, but time travel would sadly be out of even my skill set. I know you don't believe it, but March 8th has come and gone for at least 4 years now that you can prove. It will come again and you will finally be 5. I hope for all of our sakes, it is everything you have been hoping it to be.

Love
The Destroyer of All 5 Year Old Fun



Dear Drew,
Thank you for teaching me things every day. Each day you show me how high up and then how far back I need to put something to keep you from being able to pull it down. Many times you pull things down and then just look at me. I see you are just trying to convey that you would not have had to do that if only I had put it out of reach. I had thought that a cereal bowl in the middle of the table was not at risk. You set aside that theory by climbing up onto the table and throwing it on the ground. At Hobby Lobby it was made clear to me that you, even though safely strapped into a cart and at least a foot away from the rack, can use a moments distraction to pull a colored pencil display crashing to the floor. Oh Yes. Thousands of scattered pencils and several disapproving looks from other parents later, and the education continues. So, please, keep teaching me. Eventually, I'll learn.

Love,
The Woman Who Gave Birth to Freakishy Long Arm Span Child




Dear Justin,
I am beyond thrilled that you are sluffing off homework and household responsibilities to sit and compulsively read the Harry Potter series. Not because it's not annoying to constantly be telling you to put the book down and do chores and homework. No. It just proves that at least a small portion of my DNA did get included in your genetic makeup. With all your Math loving and obsessive sports watching, I was convinced that I was just the host body, and somehow your father had cloned himself. The fact that you have the ability to ignore any pressing issues around you for the sake of a good book, well, that just warms my heart to see it.

Love,
The Woman Who Totally Gets It



Rhett, (Aka: Darling Husband)
I feel I need to explain how watching a TV show works. When you skip episodes or (my personal favorite) fast forward through "the boring parts," you're probably not going to understand why the island is traveling through time. I barely understand and I watch the whole show every week. Also, coming into the room when the show has 8 minutes left and asking, "Wait, so what's happening"...also not a great way to watch a show. Just because there is Tivo and I could pause it and explain it, doesn't mean I want to pause and explain it. Thanks for trying babe, but I think our instinct to buy separate TVs after being married 5 days was spot on.
Love,
The Woman Happily Watching TV in the Other Room

P.S. Your son Drew left a surprise for you on the kitchen floor. It's by the table.

Dear Hannah,
It's been pretty quiet from the girl front this week. I did come across a recent picture of you doing chores. Perhaps we could work on bringing up the enthusiasm a notch or two.

Love,
The Woman Who Is Now Officially Her Mother