From the Desk of Mom/Melanie

I once heard a statistic that when a company or person receives a letter about an issue/problem, that it actually represents 100 people that wanted to write a letter about that same issue, but didn't. To that end, I thought I would start a "From the Desk of Mom/Melanie series."

Dear Hannah,

Only eat food up to the table means only eat food up to the table. Not eating yogurt on the couch and then saying, "Oh, you meant up to the table?" Yes. The table. The big wooden thing with legs and chairs pushed all around. You can't miss it. I also do not honor any declarations or promises that you can eat in the family room based on your assurances that you will not spill. You are 8 and I don't believe you. Also, walking aimlessly with your food around the table is not UP TO the Table.....The Table. Table table table.

Love,
The Woman Who Is Not Raising You in a Barn

Dear Jackson,

I know you are still learning about life and social graces, but you are almost 5 and you really need come to terms with the fact that you must wear underpants. Because you "forgot", "couldn't find any" or that you "just don't like them" can no longer be an excuse. It may be funny and quirky now, but down the road you will just be known as The Crazy Guy With No Underpants. We all come to hard realities in life and have our burdens to bear. I wish I had better news for you, but you have to wear them. It's the law.

Love,
The Woman Trying To Make You a Respectable Member of Society

Drew,

There are some things in life that are funny. The word "NO" is not funny. You seem to think it is hilarious and crack up whenever you hear it. No is serious. No is not a game. No does not mean keep doing what you were doing before you heard that word, only faster. It does not mean to run and start to play chase, nor does it mean to hit me, laugh, and then tell me No. I will not deny that you are cute, and it does get you out of a lot of trouble. But seriously. No means either quit it, drop it, or spit it out.

Love,
The Woman You Refuse To Take Seriously

Dear Justin,

Please keep raising yourself. You are doing an awesome job. Also, thank you for letting me take the credit. We both know that I don't ask you to do your homework, pick up or help out with Drew and that you just do it anyways, but it gives me a little more credibility as a decent parent, when Jackson is trying to jump from the balcony with his homemade parachute.

Love,
The Woman Thankful for Tender Mercies

Dear Nice Lady in Front of me at Limited Too on Christmas Eve,

Thank you for turning around in line and offering me your extra coupon for 25 dollars off. Thank you for still offering it to me even after I kept breathing in heavily through my nose when you couldn't decide what socks to get and kept going back and forth to trade. It was last minute Christmas Eve shopping and I had reached the end of my rope and had lost my Christmas Spirit. Who gives a perfect (and rude) stranger 25 dollars? Anyways. You rule.

Sincerely,
The Woman Who's Heart You Made Grow Three Sizes