Fraidy Cat Tiger, Squeamish Dragon

I agree to things that would imply that I'm a lot braver than I actually am. And somehow I can't seem to retain the fact that I'm actually a huge wuss in my long term memory super tank. Get a load of just some of what I've either agreed to do or said I wanted to do over the course of my lifetime:

Skydive
Bungee Jump
Scuba Dive
Rappelling
Climb a really tall mountain. (Wasn't particular of the mountain. Just needed to be big)
Swim with the Dolphins
Run a Marathon
Then decide to run another one
Write a Book
Jump a Creek
Start a blog

A couple years ago I got a call to help certify some of the girls from our Youth group in Rappelling before they went to camp.
That call sounded something like: "Hey Mel, could you be free Saturday to help some of the girls certify in Rappelling? You'd be able to learn too!"
Me: "Rappelling?! WOW! That sounds like so much fun, I've always wanted to do that, sure count me in! Oh, BTW, how far up would you say we're going to be?"
"Oh, I heard no more than 70 or 80 feet."

It's only then that my brain kicks on, begins to second guess and starts to council me : You've never been repelling before AND you tend to be fearful of heights AND falling AND cliffs.
Thanks brain. I've already agreed to this, but you've been a huge help.

The instructor teaching us was my Stake President and I'll never forget his face my first time down. I'm in the gear, I'm on the top of the cliff with my back to the air, I keep trying to smile but my face muscles won't respond so it just looks like I'm twitching, and he goes:
"Okay, now lean back."
"But there's nothing behind me."
"Right."
"Doesn't that seem unsafe to you?"
"It's going to feel really strange but the only way to go down is to lean back and then start walking down."
"Okay, right, lean back, lean..ba-a-ack. Ok! I did it! WOW you're so right! This feels totally weird!"
"Um, okay, well, you're actually still standing up."
"No, I'm back, I'm leaning!"
"No. You're totally straight. Not leaning at all."

(*Interject look that I will never forget* Picture pity mixed with amusement mixed with impatience.)

It's not until I get to the moments of no return that it dawns on me that I'm a wimp. Some part of my brain THINKS I'm an adrenaline junkie. It must be the part that initially filters information. I visualize some temp secretary who doesn't give a crap and just agrees to everything because she's not getting paid enough to care.

By the time it gets back to the real people in charge, they're all freaking out like, "what?! who authorized this?!"
Which is probably how I recently came to be on an Acupuncturists table as she was getting ready to put the first needle in.

What? Wait, what are you doing?! What am I doing? I don't like needles, is that gonna hurt?? All valid questions. All a little too late. I have been getting more intrigued by homeopathic cures and remedies and I'm sure Betty, my good for nothing temp secretary thought:
"Oh, sure, you could do that. Doesn't that sound interesting?? I think that sounds interesting." And just for the record, they say it's not going to hurt...it does kind of hurt, but it's not the end of the world. She put 5 small pins in my ear that I was supposed to leave in for a week to help reduce stress. I pulled them out after the third day cuz they were stressing me out.

I look at my list, and what I have yet to do and somewhere deep inside, I know that I am petrified of deep water and sharks, my chest squeezes with anxiety just watching people skydive on TV and the Dolphins swim in the same deep water as the sharks. But, if you're the gambling sort, I'd put money on eventually seeing me blog about my 20,000 foot jump or pictures with Flipper.
And it's for that reason that I can't seem to fire Betty. She's the only one in my head that gets me to do things out of my comfort zone and "live a little." (Her words, not mine.)